Rediscovering Tina

There is life outside the pulpit

Rambling 101 June 2, 2014

Filed under: Personal Reflections,Writing 101 — Rediscovering Tina @ 6:02 pm
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ImageFree writing is actually harder than it sounds. Flowing words stop. Bam! Hit a wall and splatter dead. No syllables. No buying a vowel, Pat. Air in the brain and chugging sounds can be heard for miles around as I struggle to come up with a train of thought to get this thing moving.

Writing should be an easy thing to do. It should be as easy as talking to another person. Yet when you read my writing, it’s as if I let a little of my guard down, let you see behind the protective walls I have so carefully constructed. Writing actually feels more intimate than talking. When talking I guard my words more, because I can see your face, see your reaction to my response, hear the inflection in your voice. When I write, I don’t have to take that into consideration. It is just me and the keyboard having it out. When I choose to let you see the conversation that the keyboard and I are having, you are eavesdropping on my most intimate thoughts, plans, ideas, hurts, joys, fears. Sometimes, I have a near panic attack just letting the words out. It’s as if they will cause the world to stop or flip end to end if someone were to see that the world wasn’t perfect that day, or I didn’t feel much like loving someone, or I wanted to knock someone’s block off. Funny how I’ve been conditioned by others to believe such nonsense.

Nonsense- believing all the utter crap that everyone else says you should be and do and follow and say and start and end and blahblahblahdeblah. So many years and days and seconds wasted trying to please everyone and pleasing no one. Try that on for utter nonsense.

Trying on clothes irritates me and now that I found jeans that fit perfectly, the one place that carries them is going to quit carrying them. This happens every time I find a decent pair of pants that fit a “bottom the size of Brazil”.

That reminds me… I think I need to watch Bridget Joneses Diary and have a Colin Firth drool-fest.

 

Why Am I Here? January 13, 2011

Filed under: Personal Discoveries,Post a Day — Rediscovering Tina @ 8:00 pm
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The daily topic for the Post a Day 2011 challenge is to answer the question, “Why do you blog?” Actually, the topic would be a continuation of yesterday’s topic about using my voice.

I started blogging years ago as a way of keeping my family in Indiana up to date on the goings on with Steve and me in Oklahoma. It was a way to share my sermons with my Mom, who was my biggest encourager and a staunch believer in my calling as a preacher.

In the process I discovered that blogging gave me an opportunity to organize my thoughts and ideas before “speaking” and sounding like a goof. It helped me work out problems and analyze options. Blogging helped me try out sermon ideas and gather sermon illustrations from others’ experiences.

Blogging introduced me to some wonderful people who I consider friends. We have followed one another from blog site to blog site over the years and I have found them to be tremendous prayer warriors and fabulous encouragers in my life. Thank you Cheryl, Lance, Snow, Steve-O, Patty, and Shell.

Two years ago my Mom died suddenly. And I lost my voice. I no longer had a desire to write, to preach, to blog, to do anything. The mere act of clicking on my blog sent me into a torrent of tears for all the words that my Mom would never read. Writing and thinking and typing took more energy than I could fathom. So I stopped.

In the past six months I’ve felt my voice returning. I feel words welling up inside of me longing to come out. It has taken me six months to type the first words. I feel like someone who hasn’t played the piano in years… the ability is there but the fingers are a bit rusty.

I’m ready, though. May the words flow and my voice be heard.

 

 
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