Rediscovering Tina

There is life outside the pulpit

Rambling 101 June 2, 2014

Filed under: Personal Reflections,Writing 101 — Rediscovering Tina @ 6:02 pm
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ImageFree writing is actually harder than it sounds. Flowing words stop. Bam! Hit a wall and splatter dead. No syllables. No buying a vowel, Pat. Air in the brain and chugging sounds can be heard for miles around as I struggle to come up with a train of thought to get this thing moving.

Writing should be an easy thing to do. It should be as easy as talking to another person. Yet when you read my writing, it’s as if I let a little of my guard down, let you see behind the protective walls I have so carefully constructed. Writing actually feels more intimate than talking. When talking I guard my words more, because I can see your face, see your reaction to my response, hear the inflection in your voice. When I write, I don’t have to take that into consideration. It is just me and the keyboard having it out. When I choose to let you see the conversation that the keyboard and I are having, you are eavesdropping on my most intimate thoughts, plans, ideas, hurts, joys, fears. Sometimes, I have a near panic attack just letting the words out. It’s as if they will cause the world to stop or flip end to end if someone were to see that the world wasn’t perfect that day, or I didn’t feel much like loving someone, or I wanted to knock someone’s block off. Funny how I’ve been conditioned by others to believe such nonsense.

Nonsense- believing all the utter crap that everyone else says you should be and do and follow and say and start and end and blahblahblahdeblah. So many years and days and seconds wasted trying to please everyone and pleasing no one. Try that on for utter nonsense.

Trying on clothes irritates me and now that I found jeans that fit perfectly, the one place that carries them is going to quit carrying them. This happens every time I find a decent pair of pants that fit a “bottom the size of Brazil”.

That reminds me… I think I need to watch Bridget Joneses Diary and have a Colin Firth drool-fest.

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You Quack Me Up July 15, 2011

Filed under: Personal Discoveries,Post a Day — Rediscovering Tina @ 1:47 am
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Today was a beautiful day of sitting at a picnic table at the water’s edge of Lake Mendota watching the ducks and the waves and the seaweed skimmers skim seaweed/green algae. *I once had a baptism service in this same lake. We had to make a path through the green algae so that when the ladies came up out of the water they didn’t come up with things dangling from their hair!*

This is one of my favorite spots to talk with and hear from God. There’s something about the water that calms my mind and heart and leaves me open to hearing what God has to say.

I started watching the waves on the lake, noticing the difference between the waves caused by the wind and those caused by the boats as they sped by. I thought about how those waves are like my life. The smaller waves reminded me of the everyday things that happen… an unexpected bill; a misunderstanding with someone I love; frustration with a co-worker; gaining three pounds; etc. Those larger waves reminded me of those things that tend to knock me around. The loss of a job. Being betrayed by someone I love. Losing my Mother-in-law, Bio-dad, Mom, step-Brother, and my Sister in the span of five years.

This verse came to mind: “But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind.”~ James 1:6 (NLT)

I tend to have faith like Peter. I talk a good sermon and say that I will fight to the death for my Jesus. I jump out of the boat and start walking in places I’ve never been and couldn’t be if it wasn’t for God. Then I get distracted by the waves, freak out, start flailing and soon I’m going under. (Did I mention  I’m deathly afraid of deep water?)

Suddenly a boat went by and I remarked to God that I wish I was steadier on the water like that boat. Just pushing through those waves that were made before it and making waves for others who follow! The waves were no match for that boat!

And God spoke back. “My child, I love you. You already are like that boat. Speeding through the waves that come your way, and you just end up making more waves. Look at that duck in front of you. No matter the size of the wave, do you see him flailing and freaking out?  He is content to ride the wave and trust. He still gets to his destination, but without wasting all the energy. Tina, I want you to be the duck.”

 “Then Peter called to him, ‘Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.'”~ Matthew 14:28 (NLT)

May we all be ducks in the midst of the waves!

 

 

 
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