Rediscovering Tina

There is life outside the pulpit

Did I Mention the Word Rest? July 8, 2013

Filed under: Personal Discoveries,Personal Reflections — Rediscovering Tina @ 10:35 pm
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Frankie Doodle Black & White

When I worked for the State of Oklahoma as a behavioral health case manager, there was an unspoken rule that you NEVER, EVER, mentioned  how quiet or calm or easy your day was going because that was a sure-fire way of making sure your day was no longer quiet or calm or easy. I think there was some kind of hotline to the Medicaid dollars. If your caseload is calm, cool, collected and mentally stable, there isn’t much to be made in Medicaid from that sort of thing! There must be Disaster! Disorder! Depression! CHA-CHING!

(You see why I no longer work in this field…)

I think I rattled something in the universe when I said I was going to take a month and learn to rest. Learn what sabbath means. Learn to take a few moments away from work and responsibility and just BE.

It lasted all of two days, because Steve ended up in the hospital on the 4th with another bout of pancreatitis! Having a loved one in the hospital is not restful. I’ve not been sleeping well, except when I snooze in the chair in the hospital room or fall asleep in the recliner eating dinner at 10pm. I take my work to the hospital with me to get as many hours in as I can. I get home late, eat late, fall asleep sitting straight up in the chair late, lay down in bed and I’m wide awake! So I get up and work some more to make myself sleepy again. Then I wake up early (because I have insomnia on top of all of this), study my Sunday school lesson, read my devotions, feed the cats, pray as I go, and start all over again.

I don’t write all that for sympathy. It is what it is. This IS my life! Never a dull moment! I write that to say…

DID I MENTION THE WORD REST??????

 

 

 

 

 

Rediscovering Sabbath June 30, 2013

SabbathRest

I’ve done something that is completely foreign to me and I’m still struggling with it, even though I know I need to do it and God wants me to do it. It’s a done deal. I’m not backing out. I’ve just never done this kind of thing before, so everything inside of me is warring and fighting and struggling.

What could I possibly have done now? I asked for a month off from part of my ministry responsibilities. In the midst of that month I plan to schedule vacation time from work. I’ve never taken time for me and time for me and God and time for me and Steve. There is always something else going on and demanding my time and energy and brain power.

I was made painfully aware of my workaholic/ministryaholic tendencies by one much younger than me who mentioned quite innocently a few months ago, “Mrs. Tina, why do you work so much?” I stumbled over and mumbled an answer, but that question has haunted me ever since. Seriously… why DO I think I have to be working on something 18 hours a day? Be it my full-time job with InterVarsity, my part-time job collecting accident reports for a local attorney, cake decorating, studying/teaching Sunday school, planning/leading worship, mowing the grass, cleaning the house, studying for a sermon, counseling one of my kids, cleaning out a drawer, planning, organizing, blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah.

Notice what isn’t on that list: Personal bible study. Personal worship. Prayer. Quality time with Steve. Me time.

Other things I’d like on that list: Reading for pleasure, not just ministry; breaking out the new easel and chalk sitting in my closet that I bought after camp; sitting in the sun doing nothing; taking a real vacation with my beautiful husband.

I’m on a mission for the month of July to rediscover sabbath.

Maybe that should be Discovering sabbath. You can’t RE-discover something until you’ve found it for the first time!

 

 
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