I’ve done something that is completely foreign to me and I’m still struggling with it, even though I know I need to do it and God wants me to do it. It’s a done deal. I’m not backing out. I’ve just never done this kind of thing before, so everything inside of me is warring and fighting and struggling.
What could I possibly have done now? I asked for a month off from part of my ministry responsibilities. In the midst of that month I plan to schedule vacation time from work. I’ve never taken time for me and time for me and God and time for me and Steve. There is always something else going on and demanding my time and energy and brain power.
I was made painfully aware of my workaholic/ministryaholic tendencies by one much younger than me who mentioned quite innocently a few months ago, “Mrs. Tina, why do you work so much?” I stumbled over and mumbled an answer, but that question has haunted me ever since. Seriously… why DO I think I have to be working on something 18 hours a day? Be it my full-time job with InterVarsity, my part-time job collecting accident reports for a local attorney, cake decorating, studying/teaching Sunday school, planning/leading worship, mowing the grass, cleaning the house, studying for a sermon, counseling one of my kids, cleaning out a drawer, planning, organizing, blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah.
Notice what isn’t on that list: Personal bible study. Personal worship. Prayer. Quality time with Steve. Me time.
Other things I’d like on that list: Reading for pleasure, not just ministry; breaking out the new easel and chalk sitting in my closet that I bought after camp; sitting in the sun doing nothing; taking a real vacation with my beautiful husband.
I’m on a mission for the month of July to rediscover sabbath.
Maybe that should be Discovering sabbath. You can’t RE-discover something until you’ve found it for the first time!