Rediscovering Tina

There is life outside the pulpit

The Note June 6, 2014

Filed under: Personal Reflections,Writing 101 — Rediscovering Tina @ 5:47 pm
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Dear One,

You are Precious.
You are Loved.
You are Important.
You Matter.
You are more beautiful than you realize.
You will be someone’s hope someday.
You are Unique.
You are Talented.
Give away your blessings. They come back 100-fold.
Trust. Believe. Hope.
You aren’t promised tomorrow.
You are promised this moment.
Make it count.

Love,

You

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Rambling 101 June 2, 2014

Filed under: Personal Reflections,Writing 101 — Rediscovering Tina @ 6:02 pm
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ImageFree writing is actually harder than it sounds. Flowing words stop. Bam! Hit a wall and splatter dead. No syllables. No buying a vowel, Pat. Air in the brain and chugging sounds can be heard for miles around as I struggle to come up with a train of thought to get this thing moving.

Writing should be an easy thing to do. It should be as easy as talking to another person. Yet when you read my writing, it’s as if I let a little of my guard down, let you see behind the protective walls I have so carefully constructed. Writing actually feels more intimate than talking. When talking I guard my words more, because I can see your face, see your reaction to my response, hear the inflection in your voice. When I write, I don’t have to take that into consideration. It is just me and the keyboard having it out. When I choose to let you see the conversation that the keyboard and I are having, you are eavesdropping on my most intimate thoughts, plans, ideas, hurts, joys, fears. Sometimes, I have a near panic attack just letting the words out. It’s as if they will cause the world to stop or flip end to end if someone were to see that the world wasn’t perfect that day, or I didn’t feel much like loving someone, or I wanted to knock someone’s block off. Funny how I’ve been conditioned by others to believe such nonsense.

Nonsense- believing all the utter crap that everyone else says you should be and do and follow and say and start and end and blahblahblahdeblah. So many years and days and seconds wasted trying to please everyone and pleasing no one. Try that on for utter nonsense.

Trying on clothes irritates me and now that I found jeans that fit perfectly, the one place that carries them is going to quit carrying them. This happens every time I find a decent pair of pants that fit a “bottom the size of Brazil”.

That reminds me… I think I need to watch Bridget Joneses Diary and have a Colin Firth drool-fest.

 

Did I Mention the Word Rest? July 8, 2013

Filed under: Personal Discoveries,Personal Reflections — Rediscovering Tina @ 10:35 pm
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Frankie Doodle Black & White

When I worked for the State of Oklahoma as a behavioral health case manager, there was an unspoken rule that you NEVER, EVER, mentioned  how quiet or calm or easy your day was going because that was a sure-fire way of making sure your day was no longer quiet or calm or easy. I think there was some kind of hotline to the Medicaid dollars. If your caseload is calm, cool, collected and mentally stable, there isn’t much to be made in Medicaid from that sort of thing! There must be Disaster! Disorder! Depression! CHA-CHING!

(You see why I no longer work in this field…)

I think I rattled something in the universe when I said I was going to take a month and learn to rest. Learn what sabbath means. Learn to take a few moments away from work and responsibility and just BE.

It lasted all of two days, because Steve ended up in the hospital on the 4th with another bout of pancreatitis! Having a loved one in the hospital is not restful. I’ve not been sleeping well, except when I snooze in the chair in the hospital room or fall asleep in the recliner eating dinner at 10pm. I take my work to the hospital with me to get as many hours in as I can. I get home late, eat late, fall asleep sitting straight up in the chair late, lay down in bed and I’m wide awake! So I get up and work some more to make myself sleepy again. Then I wake up early (because I have insomnia on top of all of this), study my Sunday school lesson, read my devotions, feed the cats, pray as I go, and start all over again.

I don’t write all that for sympathy. It is what it is. This IS my life! Never a dull moment! I write that to say…

DID I MENTION THE WORD REST??????

 

 

 

 

 

Rediscovering Sabbath June 30, 2013

SabbathRest

I’ve done something that is completely foreign to me and I’m still struggling with it, even though I know I need to do it and God wants me to do it. It’s a done deal. I’m not backing out. I’ve just never done this kind of thing before, so everything inside of me is warring and fighting and struggling.

What could I possibly have done now? I asked for a month off from part of my ministry responsibilities. In the midst of that month I plan to schedule vacation time from work. I’ve never taken time for me and time for me and God and time for me and Steve. There is always something else going on and demanding my time and energy and brain power.

I was made painfully aware of my workaholic/ministryaholic tendencies by one much younger than me who mentioned quite innocently a few months ago, “Mrs. Tina, why do you work so much?” I stumbled over and mumbled an answer, but that question has haunted me ever since. Seriously… why DO I think I have to be working on something 18 hours a day? Be it my full-time job with InterVarsity, my part-time job collecting accident reports for a local attorney, cake decorating, studying/teaching Sunday school, planning/leading worship, mowing the grass, cleaning the house, studying for a sermon, counseling one of my kids, cleaning out a drawer, planning, organizing, blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah.

Notice what isn’t on that list: Personal bible study. Personal worship. Prayer. Quality time with Steve. Me time.

Other things I’d like on that list: Reading for pleasure, not just ministry; breaking out the new easel and chalk sitting in my closet that I bought after camp; sitting in the sun doing nothing; taking a real vacation with my beautiful husband.

I’m on a mission for the month of July to rediscover sabbath.

Maybe that should be Discovering sabbath. You can’t RE-discover something until you’ve found it for the first time!

 

Rambling Thoughts and Fingers August 12, 2011

Filed under: Personal Reflections — Rediscovering Tina @ 1:10 am
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I read in Vestal Goodman’s (my white hankie waving southern gospel hero) biograpy that when she and Howard started singing they had no piano player. She was desperate to learn and sat at the piano with her hands over the keys praying that God would give her the ability to start playing.  

Following in my idol’s footsteps, I sit here and look at a blank page, fingers over the keyboard, praying that God will give me the ability to type real words and real paragraphs with real thoughts.

So far, this is as good as it gets.

I think I’ll listen to Vestal for a while.

 

Brain Fart April 29, 2011

Filed under: Personal Reflections,Post a Day — Rediscovering Tina @ 8:49 pm
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I’ve been sitting here for ten minutes staring blankly at a blank screen. I want to write, don’t know what to write, or how to start writing. But I want something here.

Maybe if I start typing my thoughts I’l hit on something interesting:

We have over 300 channels and Steve seems to only watch the History channel and FOX.

I wish the sun would shine when I’m not working.

The new recliner looks fabulous! Now to get the old one out of the middle of the living room.

It’s freezing in here! Steve must have been born a polar bear!

I need to figure out the logistics of Bevly’s wedding cake.

I think it’s so cool that Gene camped out with Lynzi last night so they could get up early to watch the royal wedding. What a great “Daddy memory” she will have!

LeeAnne and Gene are incredible parents.

I think that picture frame is crooked.

Really? He’s watching a show about fish waste?

I give up. It’s not working.

I guess I’ll play Bejeweled.

 

Blessings Galore April 9, 2011

Filed under: Personal Discoveries,Personal Reflections,Post a Day — Rediscovering Tina @ 10:16 pm
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I’ve still been in a bit of a funk over Marie’s unexpected death, so I haven’t felt like I could start writing because I would start crying. Then the keyboard would get wet and I would be electrocuted. Tears and electricity are not a good combination!

Now I know there are those of you reading this and now you are talking to the screen as if I could hear you: “Tina! It’s okay to cry! Get it out! Have at it! Quit trying to hold it all in!” (See? I can hear you!)

It’s not that I can’t cry (I can) or that I won’t cry (I have). After a while you just get tired of crying. With all the losses I’ve experienced in the past five years if I cried every time I felt like it I would never do anything else but cry!

Instead, I choose to take God at his word that he can and will turn my mourning into dancing and that he can and will remove the sackcloth of grief and clothe me with joy.

One of the ways this happens is not to sit in my corner and focus on what I’ve lost, but to stand on my balcony and shout for all to hear that I am blessed beyond comprehension and Jesus loves even me!

Here are some more blessings in no particular order:

  • I have a beautiful home that I never imagined I would ever have.
  • I  got to tell a non-believer about the blessings of God today.

  • I get to decorate cakes… and people really like them.
  • I get to lead a bible study with the ladies in my department.
  • I was blessed by those same ladies with a wonderful gift of their words and love.
  • I am married to a man who makes me laugh until my sides hurt and he loves me even when I am completely unlovable.
  • I have four beautiful  nieces and nephews. I love you Adam, Angel, Lynzi and Elijah!
  • My sister, LeeAnne, is one of the most beautiful women I know… both inside and out.
  • My Dad keeps me laughing at his antics. I am so glad he is doing well.
  • ES- you are a tremendous blessing in my life. How did I ever get so lucky as to have you in my life?
  • I got to see Marie the week before she died. I thought I was going to see Tammy and Melissa, but God had other ideas.
  • 

    Your turn. What are you thankful for this day?
 

 
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